A night out you’ve been looking forward to for sometime finally sets in motion. It’s a restaurant with a long waitlist. You’ve had this restaurant set on you eye’s for some time and have been eager to take a special guest out with you to share the experience.
Having carefully looked at the reputation of the restaurant, every new piece of information you come across about it strikes you with pleasant delight.
The fine dining, the atmosphere, that luxurious sensation of sitting comfortably and enjoying the finer things in life. Ever since it came to your attention you’ve been itching to have a taste of that level of class.
Perhaps the last time you’ve felt a sense of luxury was quite a while ago, the recent workload and dedication would make this scheduled occasion all the more rewarding.
Based on the level of class, you even had to decipher and had to give careful attention and thought to your choice of guest. Judging by the rarity of the occasion and the extended waitlist it has forced you to be careful of some of the smaller details, which goes to show that it’s something of quality.
Your sense of quality and precise preference has proven to you that when you make a choice you’re assured that it’s at an exceptional level and something to celebrate for.
On arrival to your reserved seats, you’ve made sure to dress properly for the occasion, a specific outfit was even chosen that you’ve payed close attention to that was appropriate for the night.
The date you’ve picked showed to be fitting, emanating and elegant visage. So far, things have gone smoothly and well; exceptional hospitality, good impressions all around, service is class, the atmosphere breathes cultural sophistication, maybe you’ve even invited a few more guests to discuss business matters.
On receiving your entree, the taste is absolutely perfect. The quality of the meal sharpens your tastebuds leaving you raptured in the gratification of the present moment, cracking a smile of delight. At this point, nothing can get better than this.
Approaching the limit of your satiety, and having been distracted by your own gratification, you reflexively stretch your arm across your plate hitting the fork down to your shirt and pants. The residue of the meal left on the fork has stained your clothes.
This utter shock deludes you of all focus, suddenly you can’t get your mind off your mistake. A pang of frustration and irritation floats to the surface of your awareness, it seems you’ve disappointed and may have made a dent in what would’ve been a perfect dine-in.
This small and almost insignificant mistake plagues any conscious awareness. The expensive outfit you prepared is ruined, the pictures you could have taken are not worth it anymore, suddenly more evidence for your unpleasantness is confirmed.
The gentleman in this situation has been flustered. His awareness has narrowed to the fine detail of his stain. His interpretation was that his stain set off his mood and that he made a mistake.
That is but one interpretation of the scenario.
An alternative is one of an open and innocent impression, it’s that the stain can offer as something to remember the occasion for.
The stain can serve as a memory stamp, a way to remember a precious moment.
Usually it is easier to remember painful moments rather than enjoyable ones.
The mind works quite strange on the surface level. The mind works in a way that remembers and reacts to fear and pain more strongly than joy and pleasure.
Usually, we take pleasant and enjoyable memories for granted, it’s like a standard, expected, familiar aspect of life so we don’t tend to think about it as much.
When accidents and mistakes happen, a tendency to express dissatisfaction and displeasure is the first reaction.
Perceived accidents or mistakes have a way of intentionally saving and storing memories into the psyche with elevated importance.
In one aspect, it’s a reason to savor the memory and to savor the pain that came with it. You can even be grateful for the accident because it gave you something to remember the moment by. It could even be a source of humor; to have something silly and amusing to remember the night is something quite precious in my view.
The pain of a perceived accident can leave a sting, but it is with that pain that makes the moment precious.
It’s realizing that the pain is not pain but instead a gift and a brief experience to feel in its entirety.
It’s about immersing into the present feeling, especially in instances of perceived discomfort.
As I was beginning to write this, I was confronted with a slight headache. It was one of stress and unease setting myself for the task. I began to inquire to this feeling, testing it, feeling it, deciding wether this is a reason to not follow through. When I questioned my headache more, I realized the same reason for not writing can be another reason to write even more.
One person’s reason to quit, is another’s reason to commit.
I realized that this headache can serve as utility as to make the task more memorable; I wanted to feel the entirety of the moment and I knew that if I can be with this pain, then that’ll make the task more rewarding and fulfilling.
It’s about embracing and savoring the pain as a means to have a heightened gratification.
When I realized this headache could serve as utility and that I could actually use this to write, the headache vanished.
Because at that point, the ego has nothing to coerce or tempt you with an excuse. It basically says, “ok you’ve won, you’ve made up your mind and there’s nothing I can do at this point”. When that decision is made, the ego has nothing left but to give way to your free will. You’ve passed its test, if it can’t use pain to deter you then you’ve intended that anything you are handed with will be used as an asset.
The fundamental questions are:
- How am I feeling?
- will this serve me?
- How can this serve as utility for my goal?
Learning to ask these questions repeatedly will strengthen the coordination necessary for taking negative occurrences to one’s advantage.
It’s also important to value and be grateful for those unpleasant aspects. There is no mistake. Having a negative or undesirable reaction to a situation can be a good thing, it can serve as a lesson, it’s good because you have something to work on, something to inquire.
Attributing positive associations to originally negative contexts is the answer.
The pain attributed to a mistake can serve as a lesson. There needn’t be a demand to rush and fix the situation either.
It’s about feeling and embracing that pain in its full entirety. That will serve as a lesson, a mark in your psyche in order to remember what that pain means and the full weight of its consequence.
Being with the pain and letting it sit is an act of humility and gratitude. It implies that you have no desire to rush and resist your discomfort and instead willfully choose to accept it unconditionally. That is an act of appreciation; you’ve allowed yourself to experience the feeling and have chosen to absorb it and not forget it in order to learn from the mistake completely.
This concept can be applied to instinctual impulses. Pain tolerance and pain endurance are a matter of discernment.
If you can’t see the lie, then you won’t know the truth.
If you are firmly aware of the consequence of an action, the strength to endure and withstand that confrontation is granted more leverage.
The strength to withstand an impulsive urge has to be greater than the opposition to resist.
When discernment has been made as to the specific consequence, the gratification of enduring the necessary pain is worth more and gratifying as a result.
For example, an urge to grab your phone, scroll on social media, watch video content. If in a situation where doing these things would compromise any priorities it would lead to more hurtful consequences.
Although these examples are quite small and insignificant, it doesn’t change its ultimate effect.
What I mean is, giving in to urges in demanding circumstances leads to collapsing in the face of even harsher confrontations and instigations.
It will be easier to succumb to more hurtful situations, such as an argument where the demand to withstanding the pain of letting go and not giving in to an argument will be harder. You will most likely give in to the argument and assert and express your opinions in order to firmly stand your ground. In this situation, the pain tolerance required to have the humility to step down to maintain objective awareness is much higher.
The pain tolerance granted from small and insignificant instances can serve to strengthen coordination and be used as utility for more demanding situations.
If given into the squabbling of an argument, it means that you lacked the pain tolerance, endurance and strength to withstand its provocation. It means you couldn’t withhold the pain of a tempting argument. It takes a level of awareness and pain tolerance to withstand the opposition to resist.
What makes an individual strong? His ability to sublimate his pain.
If he can discern the consequences of his actions, it will grant him the leverage to withstand the pain of humility and surrender and to not fall into tense resistance.